No Tony! No!
by The-Lady-Smaell
Summary: In which Tony is a troll, Fury gets furious and exasperation is experienced by all. *Yet another sleep deprivation crack ficlet. Rated for language only*


A/N: Tony + Trolling = Da' Awesome XD

Disclaimer: I don't own them (Who does actually own them? Stupid lawsuits that be going on)

Warnings: Fear the pure unadulterated crack. Probable OOCness.

**FOR SCIENCE!**

No Tony! No!

"Tony I seriously think this is a bad idea."

This was not an uncommon phrase to be uttered in the hallowed halls of the now dubbed 'Avengers Tower', in fact it was at least a daily occurance. Not that Tony Stark, billionaire-genius-playboy-philanthropist would ever admit to that or to any resulting snaffu that occured, it just wasn't _done_. Besides where was the harm in living a little? They never knew when the next alien invasion/terrorist threat/ general crazy ass shit was about to hit the fan so why not enjoy the down time?

"I agree with the good doctor. I believe this to be a foolhardy pastime."

Tony rolled his eyes and turned to the congregated Avengers a full on pout dancing across his lips.

"Come _on _guys it's a bit of harmless fun." He whined.

Natasha folded her arms across her chest clearly unimpressed by his plee.

"Stark I am going to say this only once; you are not infecting the S.H.I.E.L.D systems with your 'happy troll virus' I don't _care _how supposedly 'harmless' it is and if you even think about it you and a cattle prod are going to become very well acquainted."

The billionaire sat back in his computer chair and steeped his finger looking exactly like a villian from one of those old british spy movies and for a moment the rest of his team-mates thought he was about to start cackling maniacally. However Tony merely smiled drumming the tips of his fingers together.

"As delightfully kinky as that foreplay sounds I'm afraid your threat is a teensy bit too late."

Five pairs of eyes went wide.

"WHAT!?"

The smile grew wider.

"I already sent it like five minutes ago."

Bruce removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to fend off the migraine/ hulk out that was probably inevitable, an unfortunate but common by-product of hanging around Tony too much.

"Then why the hell did you ask for our opinion if you were going to do it anyway?"

"Shits and giggles I guess."

The group let out a collective groan while Stark just sat there looking immensely pleased with himself.

"Let the chaos commence!"

This was not a phrase that filled Tony's team-mates with joy but nether the less they crowded around the holographic monitors to see what madness the billionaire had wrought.

At first it didn't seem like anything was happening but then like a really good whodunnit film the pieces all started to come together. A shrill alarm sounded and suddenly the sprinkler system turned itself on dousing the startled S.H.I.E.L.D agents with red and gold dye.

Back in the tower the Avengers minus Tony rolled their eyes.

The madness continued as the tech squad attempted to access the alarm system and were suddenly innundated by the largest and most explicit porn advertisements the internet had to offer. Half the squad promptly fainted on the spot, sporting massive nosebleeds and the other half had gone so red it was a wonder they weren't on fire.

It was at this point Fury strode in completely covered in a montage of red,white and blue like a very bad version of the stars and stripes. He looked absolutely livid and taking a look at his command centre his visible eye narrowed in... Well fury.

"Would somebody please like to explain just what the fuck is going on here?"

One of the braver personnel stepped forward or was rather shoved by his co-workers.

"We're not sure sir... We think a virus has infiltrated the system and set off the alarms."

The director of S.H.I.E.L.D folded his sticky and dye smeared arms, an unimpressed look on his face.

"Well that explains the loud fucking noise ringing in my ears. What it doesn't explain is why I look like a patriotic smurf, Hill is having a fist fight with a herd of hungry racoons in the cargo hold and a number of my agents are currently locked in their quarters with bad porno's playing in the background..."

Back in the tower everybody bar Tony facepalmed.

"... So, do you have some answers for me or am I gonna have to start twisting necks?"

Every agent in the command centre shuddered and sub-consciously began to back away from the enraged man, the aura of impending doom radiating from him unmissable even to a complete moron.

"Well am I?"

There was a moment of utter silence where at least two agents wet themselves in fear and the agent who had unceremoniously been appointed spokesperson whimpered like a little girl. It looked as if the question was going to remain unanswered until a shrill voice called.

"I'm in!"

All heads swiveled to the source of the noise and Fury strode over.

"Talk to me agent."

"I managed to find the backdoor into the viruses subroutines..."

"English please..." The director growled.

"I got inside the virus meaning I can do..." His hands fluttered across the keyboard "...This."

Everything went silent and S.H.I.E.L.D breathed a sigh of felief... For all of two minutes.

Suddenly an annoying and repeatitve tune began to filter through the coms system and on every screen a rather distinct animation was looping and in that moment Nick Fury knew _exactly _who was to blame for this.

"_Stark_..."

The growled voice echoed through the speakers of Tony's computer and made the manic billionaire grin with unrestrained glee. He turned to his team-mates feeling utterly smug and fully ready to bask in the oodles of praise he was about receive. However he was sorely disappointed when he was met with five somewhat angry faces.

"Tony... Is that what I think it is?" Bruce asked, a hint of green flashing through his eyes.

"Oh, you mean the 'Nyan-hulk'?"

"Yes."

"Then yes it is what you think it is Brucey-boy."

There was a moment of silent communication between the team before the good doctor turned to Natasha.

"Agent Romanoff would you go get the cattle prod while I pin him down?"

The red-head smiled evilly and made a quick dash for the exit while Tony's jaw dropped in shock and he slowly began to back away.

"Come on guys it was a joke..."

Bruce advanced skin tinted slightly green.

"Really isn't this a little extreme?"

He had almost made the door when a body rugby tackled him to the floor roughly.

"Ow my coxis*"

Bruce's chuckle reverberated through the floored billionaire's body.

"That Mr. Stark is the least of your worries."

Tony couldn't help but agree with his friends assessment.

~End~

*If you get this reference you just received a hug. If you didn't then... You still get hugs XD.

A/N: So Yeah... Sleep deprived crack anyone? Reviews are always loved.


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